Do Self Help Books or Blogs Really Help?
Posted by Dr. Cason on Friday, July 11th, 2008
There was a bit of a debate at my book club last night.
We were discussing the bestselling book “Happiness is a Serious Problem” by Dennis Prager. Prager tell us that that the only way to achieve happiness is to take responsibility for your life rather than blaming others and how to treat happiness not as an end goal but as a by product of living a consciously chosen life.
I first read this book when I was living in San Diego. Work hours were very long and busy. My children saw more of my nanny than they did their mother. John came home late nearly every night to a chaotic house and a frozen pizza in the oven. I cried every day.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why I was unhappy. I knew what was wrong but I didn’t have the ability to change jobs or location at the time. I was miserable and clearly making everyone else miserable as well. One day my husband thrust this book into my hands.
Reading Prager’s book reminded me that I had an obligation to my family and myself to be as happy as I could be. Since I couldn’t change my circumstances, I had to change my attitude. When I had the opportunity, I made different choices and reaped the rewards.
That’s what I like about self help book and blogs. They offer a perspective. It’s not necessarily a right or wrong perspective, just a different way of thinking. And I’m not offended by the presumption that I could learn something, that they could actually teach me something. They are usually right.
Here are some of the reactions that came up last night. (I’ve summarized)
I hated it. Who does he think he is? He’s got it all figured out.
It was common sense. He didn’t offer anything I didn’t already know.
I can see if you needed that, then it might help.
It’s brainwashing. Written for and by a middle aged white person who doesn’t know what real struggle is.
It’s not as easy to say, Just be happy!
Yeah. It was a good discussion.
Do you like self help books or blogs? Are you offended by their advice or does it even matter to you?
Filed in Self Improvement | 25 responses so far
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Mapon 11 Jul 2008 at 1:58 pm 1I run a self help site myself now. So I can’t exactly say that I don’t like reading well meaning suggestions for personal improvements….LOL!!
In fact, as I recall, I’ve always enjoyed reading self help books; although at the start, I never did quite put much into practice. It was only when I started getting serious about my own growth, did everything fall into place for me.
I love the pictures that you place on this blog! Your kids look sooo adorable! I would like to subscribe to your posts. Would you be offering the option of rss feeds by email? I prefer posts to be delivered to my message inbox.
Best regards,
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Maps last blog post..Draw Inspiration From Never-Give-Up Success Stories
Dr. Casonon 11 Jul 2008 at 2:51 pm 2Evelyn- oh It looks like I need to go look at your post. I’m a never give up success story myself!
I need to check on how to put an email subscriber list on my site. Does anyone else know??
Davinaon 11 Jul 2008 at 5:05 pm 3I have a full library of self-help books, and a list of favourite blogs that is growing every day. I’m not at all offended by their advice… I like to keep an open mind.
Trishon 11 Jul 2008 at 5:34 pm 4My book shelves have their share of self help books. They boost me when I read them. I come away thinking “Yeah I will NEVER again let anyone do that to me again” or whatever the premise of the book is. And then I let the next person do ‘that’ to me again.
Self help books are only as good as the “SELF” seeking help. If you aren’t already committed to making the change, the book will not make the change happen for you. It can stimulate it, certainly, but bottom line, you have to be ready to make that change for yourself.
Trishs last blog post..Happily Married
Barbara Swaffordon 11 Jul 2008 at 5:55 pm 5Hi Dr. Cason,
I have read self help books for as long as I can remember. I have not only been helped by them, but they help to to understand others. At one point in my life I contemplated getting a degree in psychology, but that never transpired.
For me, each book offers something different. And, blogs are the same way too.
Re: an RSS feed for email. If you are signed up with Feedburner, there is an area on there where you can get the code for email feeds. Let me know if you need help.
Kylaon 11 Jul 2008 at 6:05 pm 6I don’t think I’ve ever read one! But I think that the opportunity to step outside of yourself and see the problem with a new perspective can be very helpful.
Kylas last blog post..Limbo…
Lanceon 11 Jul 2008 at 10:38 pm 7I do read self help book, sites, and blogs. Some of it is useful information (to me) and some isn’t (to me). Trish, I like what you’ve said about them being only as good as the self seeking help. This is a key, I think. We have to be open to the idea that we can help ourselves become better, and if we’re not, we’ve put up roadblocks to making any positive changes in our life related to what we’ve read.
Lances last blog post..Weeds…In Your Life
Lisaon 12 Jul 2008 at 12:51 am 8I think there’s a time in everyone’s life when they could use a little help from a book. It takes the right kind of book. When I was a single mom, I read Awaken the Giant withing by Anthony Robbins (yes, that late night self help guy) and it helped me so much. I learned to make a five year plan and learned that how I think really affect what I do.
Lisas last blog post..Kermit Was Wrong, It Easy Being Green
Ann at One Bag Nationon 12 Jul 2008 at 1:43 am 9I read a lot of self-help books, and my blog is more or less devoted to self-help, but sometimes I wonder how healthy this all is. I even posted about the possibility of /a>too much focus on self-improvement a while ago.
However, my blog has definitely helped me make some big strides lately, and I write it hoping I might help someone else do the same. I think the power of community is very strong.
As for the books themselves, I usually get a few really good tidbits from each book, and I try to put those into practice.
Ann at One Bag Nations last blog post..Is This Really Me?
Dr. Casonon 12 Jul 2008 at 5:57 am 10Davina-I too have a library full. This is the first time I have gone back to a book and reread it at a totally different stage in my life. It was interesting to see other stuff that I had missed.
Trish- I like that – “Self help books are only as good as the “SELF” seeking help. I could have used that line.
Barbara- I really like psych as well. I thought about going into it but have found with peds there is a lot of counseling involved. It helps me to learn other coping mechanisms and pass it on to my patients- or use it myself.
Oh and thanks for the feedburner tip!
Kyla-Try Happiness is Serious Problem. Every book is different but there are some that are more helpful than others and I really liked this one.
Lance- It isn’t surprising that that you have read a lot given that you pass along such great help with your site. I think if we are humble and constantly seeking wisdom in whatever form it is presented, then we can slowly begin to self actualize and realize our potential.
Lisa- So long ago I remember reading Anthony as well. I was going nowhere fast taking many classes and changing majors like they were sweaters! It got me to focus and really make some conscious choices. The rest is history.
Ann at One Bag Nation- I read a lot too! The best part of the books are the personal stories. But I know what you mean, sometimes we need to just sit in the moment and not over think it. Thank you for the link. I liked the post. Maybe we should have more positive affirmation books. You look dahling, Dahling!
Queen Mommyon 12 Jul 2008 at 11:29 am 11I spent a dozen or so years on the couch. I love self help books. I love reading about other humans perspective on life.
We do owe it to ourselves to examine our lives, our choices, our patterns, all of it. If we can’t make it better, no one else will.
Queen Mommys last blog post..More on Pumpkin
Dr. Casonon 12 Jul 2008 at 12:10 pm 12Queen Mommy- Well said. It’s our life. We own it.
Linda Abbiton 12 Jul 2008 at 2:46 pm 13Hi Dr. Cason,
When I was younger I read self-help books. Now I enjoy listening to podcasts more (i.e., Oprah’s Spirit Channel) on my iPod more than reading books, although I have recently bought a few again.
I am enjoying the self-help & positive thinking blogs I’ve come across lately — through Barbara’s BWAB as a matter of fact!
I agree that a person has to be open to ideas in order to change — in fact, in order to even really “hear” the concepts. And as we go through life, we may be ready to change different aspects of ourselves based on where in life’s journey we are. With age, comes perspective and hopefully some wisdom.
Linda Abbits last blog post..Children Always Welcome Here
Jameson 12 Jul 2008 at 2:56 pm 14I think it really depends on the blog or the book. There is so much self-help info out there these days and so much of it conflicts with other works that it can drive a person crazy.
That being said, I’ve personally found self-help material to be very helpful. It seems like whenever I’m faced with a challenge, I come across a book or blog post that gets my thinking back on track. Learning from the experiences of others (or just seeing that others have conquered similar challenges) often gives me that extra push that I need.
James
blog.jvf.com
Jamess last blog post..Is “Black hole” a Racial Slur?
Dr. Casonon 12 Jul 2008 at 4:04 pm 15James- Welcome! You’re right, there is a lot out there. You have to be pretty choosy and not believe everything you read.
Kristinon 12 Jul 2008 at 8:05 pm 16Hello! I saw you comment on PW’s site and had to come on over. Looks like I’ll have to bookmark your site!
I love self–help books. I read a million of them in my 30′s but now that I am in my 40′s I am finding that I am UNDERSTANDING them now. I can actually see the relationship between the way I act and the way others treat me. I finally understand that if I wake up happy and grateful that my day will be infinitely better.
If I don’t like something that is mentioned in a self help book or blog, I just pass over it. I think – ooh, that’s not for me and move on. Sometimes I’ve found that the info that I passed over two years ago is interesting to me now.
Have a great day!
Kristin
Kristins last blog post..Going to Target
lissaon 12 Jul 2008 at 9:00 pm 17I read The Politically Incorrect Wife by Nancy Cobb And Connie Grigsby. It was very good. I am not overly religious (is that spelled correctly) but this book really helped my marriage.
By the way, I love your site. I checked it out after reading your comment over at PW’s. I plann to be a frequent drop in.
Lissa
lissas last blog post..Going South
Dr. Casonon 12 Jul 2008 at 9:09 pm 18Linda- How’d I miss you?
I haven’t tried any podcasts. How does that work? Do you have to pay for them or does you just download it? I lost my ipod too! I don’t know how! I have to work on organization a little more!
Kristin- Welcome! How did you see my comment? She has sooooo many! I never have left a comment because I thought it would get lost!!! Very well put about the “that’s not for me part” and then later on it’s just for you! Funny how that is!
Cath Lawsonon 12 Jul 2008 at 9:44 pm 19Hi Dr Cason – I’m a self help book junky and I think they’re great if we take something from them and actually apply it to our lives. But it’s easy to spend so much time reading and so little time doing.
I was thinking about the Zen Habits blog. Some of the posts are amaingly useful but I find others irritating and repetitive. But on reflection, I realised that they need to be that way because we learn better through repetition.
Cath Lawsons last blog post..No More Bold Advice
Dr. Casonon 13 Jul 2008 at 6:32 am 20Lissa- Another PW visitor! Yeah
I’ve never heard of that book. I’ll have to keep it in the back of my mind. (or bookshelf- which is in the closet-not a lot of space here!)
Cath- It does get redundant after a while which is why I don’t talk about self improvement all the time. Since I write everyday I like to rest with recipes and photography. See the beauty and chill a little while.
Why I Don't Like Zen Habitson 13 Jul 2008 at 10:17 am 21[...] there had to be another reason. And while I was reading this post, by Dr Cason, it finally dawned on me. The reason I dislike some of Leo’s posts so much is because they [...]
Kristinon 13 Jul 2008 at 12:59 pm 22When I post a message on PW’s site, I always read through the page that MY comment was posted on and usually one page back. I click on peoples names if I found there comment interesting or funny. When I read comments on other blog sites, I do the same – I click through and see who reads that blog, see if I like those folks and see if I want to continue reading the blog.
Be sure to comment on PW’s site more often – you already got two visitors for sure from her site – cool!!
Have a great day!
Kristin
Kristins last blog post..Going to Target
Dr. Casonon 13 Jul 2008 at 2:05 pm 23Kristen very good point! I always think that the bigger they are the more you tend to get lost. But the readership of PW’s site is exactly who’d I’d be honored to come visit me! Looks like I’ll stop lurking.
I really appreciate the visit.
Leanne Magraithon 13 Jul 2008 at 9:51 pm 24Like many of the other commenters here I agree that self help sites are useful in that they offer a different perspective. I have just started my self help / personal development site.
I figure that thinking differently can be the catalyst to being/doing differently. So I guess if a site can plant the seed in your mind to get the ball rolling towards positive change then it certainly has value.
By the way I know this is a bit late – fantastic to see your blog as NBOTW on Barbara’s site. I love the way your words flow.
My sister is a doctor (general practice) & her husband is a palliative care specialist. They have two girls and the youngest is asthmatic (so am I). I think she would be interested to read your blog so will be sending your blog address to my sister.
Dr. Casonon 13 Jul 2008 at 10:51 pm 25Leanne- I am looking forward to visiting your site as you get it up and going. With all this talk about whether people do or don’t like the self help books or blogs I realized that I am inherently interested in psych and the workings of the mind. I am particularly interested in cognitive therapy. I guess there are probably tons of people who are not interested in this though and spend their time on something else.
Thanks for the congratulations- I was pretty excited too!
I would love to have your sister visit the blog and offer her perspective!! Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it and look forward to having you back again!